Tonight's Stinker: Three Crosses Not to Die(1968)

Tonight's Stinker Three Crosses Not to Die(1968) AKA Three Crosses of Death (1968) AKA No Graves on Boot Hill https://youtu.be/6ftWH4DawbA?si=9gDNoIHkJ4QLBPAN A man is caught stealing a horse, a philanderer is caught with another man's wife, and a bounty hunter gets in a show down..... A monk witnesses the arrest of all three, and they end up in the same cell as a man set to hang for murder.... Later that night, the monk lets the three men out & introduces them to the condemned man's father, who offers them thirty-thousand dollars for proof of his son's innocence..... They ride on to a town where they have to save the horse thief from a lynch mob, the have to fend off banditos hired to kill them.... They end up in the town where the client's from, where they chase a pair of spies, one running to a rival ranchers property, the other is being a young woman at a grain mill who may know something... Some cliffhanger tension, a few poorly lit fight scenes & a big headache.... Man, I need to get out of this Biker/Spaghetti Western trip I've been on....

Tonight's Stinker: The Hellcats(1968) (MST3K - The Hellcats (S02 E09))

Tonight's Stinker The Hellcats(1968) (MST3K - The Hellcats (S02 E09)) https://youtu.be/o1sQ16BTpDY?si=tDzL-U-J9Qm2tU5I The movie opens with a funeral for a biker, & a couple of cops are watching as they discuss getting the bikers & the drug dealers they're working for.... The next day, a drug deal goes down, as one of the bikers gets a bag from a currier from Mexico, & deliver it to the dealers... On the way back from the drop off, the dealers spots one of the cops, & they shoot him... The cop's brother returns from Vietnam, joins his brother's fiancé, buys a motorcycle, & they infiltrate the biker gang.... There a gratingly long drug & alcohol fueled party, while one of the dealers shows up to tell the dead biker's girl (now acting as leader) about another drug pick up in Mexico.... They move the party somewhere out in the country (again, gratingly long), when a rival gang shows up & challenges one of them to a race we don't get to see, then return for a brief fight.... Then, a test of strength between the alpha male & the soldier... Then the lady in charge invites the cop's girl to ride along on the drug pick up..... Joel & the Bots talk over the most critical dialog, but this movie would be unwatchable otherwise... It's mostly cliché ridden filler for the first hour, but the music's okay, considering....

Tonight's Stinker: The Unholy Four(1970)

Tonight's Stinker The Unholy Four(1970) https://youtu.be/nlaxN6OoiZQ?si=3roTfOJMyOXN2qIK In an old west town, the payroll arrives after dark.... Across the street a pair of guards at an asylum step out from behind the gates & discuss robbing the bank while a pair of bandits sneak up & knock them out.... They set the asylum on fire as a distraction while other bandits rob the payroll..... In the chaos, four of the inmates escape, a gambler who's good with a rifle, a black strongman, a knife thrower & an amnesiac.... As the bandits ride out, one of them is shot, sees the four, & before he dies, says the4 amnesiac's name.... The next day, a boss meets up with the bandits for a split of the money, but he has them killed.... Meanwhile, the escapee's are hiding in a church... The knife thrower knows the amnesiac's name, but refuses to say it, only where he's from.... They get cornered by bounty hunters, whom they elude in a forest, kill them & take their guns, clothes & horses.... As they ride out, they find the bandits, one of whom tells them that the loot was taken to the same town the amnesiac's from.... So, that's where they go, finding a feud between two families, & the amnesiac belonged to one of them...... co-stars George Eastman AKA Luca Montefiori... A bit underwhelming, with a disappointing soundtrack....

Tonight's Stinker: Zeta One (1969)

Tonight's Stinker Zeta One (1969) https://youtu.be/QW5wFpnm19M?si=jMflyULWNRWkQsRs Seventies soft core porn comedy.... Opening credits promising women in c-thru, barely there & not at all outfits... So this secret agent gets home to find someone broke into his apartment... He investigates & finds it's his boss's secretary, who wants to know about his mission.... After a long & grating flirtation scene & a roll in the hay, about twenty minutes into the movie he decides to start talking.... So this criminal mastermind of some sort has been following alien women who have been abducting strippers to maintain their all female population.... He learns they've been eyeing one local stripper, so he gives her a transmitter to find the alien base.... The agent is tasked with saving the girl & finding out what the criminals are up to, but flubs both... The aliens send a girl to keep the agent busy, and abduct the stripper, while one of their spies gets captured by the criminals.... Any more story development disappears at this point..... Seriously, any suspension of disbelief is next to impossible..... It's not about anything but the nudity in the second half.... Feels like it was cobbled together from several other pornos starring the same people, & then an ADHD five year old & a libidinous thirteen year old wrote a script around it.....

Tonight's Stinker: The Jesus Trip(1971)

Tonight's Stinker The Jesus Trip(1971) https://youtu.be/QoH2yDfO5Vc?si=68Td8qd3U4Csb3sL A group of bikers returns from Mexico with some new(ish) bikes, but runs into trouble at a border checkpoint... They make a break for it, & ditch the cops by going off-road..... One of them was shot in the run, so they decide to crash at a nearby convent they think is deserted (at least for the weekend), but find three nuns are still there.... One of the nuns patches the hurt biker.... Later that night, one of the bikers finds that the new bikes had heroin hidden in them, meaning drug dealers are also looking for them.... The next day, a cop shows up to flirt with one of the nuns, but he spots one of the bikes, so the bikers take him hostage, then ride out with the cop & the nun as hostages.... They leave the cop in the middle of nowhere, while taking the nun with them.... The drug dealers' helicopter finds them, & they dispatch it with a pistol.... They decide to hide out in a tiny town where one of them grew up, only to find it abandoned... The nun starts to get Stockholm syndrome..... Three of the bikers go into town for a grocery run, but decide to stop at a nearby bar & get hammered, so they end up having to spend the night.... The next morning, the cop & his dirt-bike club find & capture them, & this time, he aint looking to make any arrests..... Not thrilling, but not grating either.... Most of the scenes are poorly lit.....

Tonight's Stinker: Outlaw Riders (1971)

Tonight's Stinker Outlaw Riders (1971) https://youtu.be/Ra-6GnnXWY0?si=S8HXu5W2JM2pNjg8 Five bikers (with two girls) rob the payroll office at a factory, but they only have a thousand dollars in petty cash..... At the next town, they try to rob a bank, but the sheriff shows up, a shootout ensues, and three of the bikers get killed...... The remaining two & there girls head down to Mexico, where they get in a fight with a Latino biker gang, who beat them up, take all there money, and abduct their girls to sell them to a brothel..... So the pair set out after them..... Pretty okay, in spite of the predictable clichés..... There's even a sense of foreboding in the chase that leads up to something of a twist ending.....

First stinker: Electra Woman and Dyna Girl(2001)

First stinker Electra Woman and Dyna Girl(2001) https://youtu.be/etShiM7-FMg?si=URIEG9_n7zDHzQmU Electra Woman saves a little from a broken amusement park ride, and the girl grows up a drooling fan girl.... Twenty years later, hoping to meet her hero at class reunion, she finds out Electra Woman cancelled... So, she tracks her down, & finds her idol to be washed up drunken white trash.... An amateurish attempt at some rehab, & we've got an unsold pilot with no story.... Definitely well outside the vision of Sid & Marty Krofft, & not really family friendly.....