Tonight's Stinker: Zarkorr! The Invader(1996)

Tonight's Stinker Zarkorr! The Invader(1996) https://youtu.be/54ivQh9fHzo?si=4Fh5PoJi4762t9Mp Somewhere in California, a fairly adequate looking kaiju busts out of a mountain & starts destroying some decent looking miniatures.... Meanwhile, in New Jersey, an off duty postal worker is visited by a six inch tall alien disguised as a "teenage mall tramp".... She tells him he's been selected by a superior race to save the Earth from Zarkorr, because he's the most ordinary man on Earth... He decides to enlist the help of a pretty young cryptozoologist who's being interviewed by an unenthusiastic anchor at a local television station, but a series of misunderstandings, and rather dated jokes about postal workers (you had to be there) lead to a standoff with police.... From a pretty blurry VHS rip..... The segments tend to linger for long periods of time, but the jokes and frantic pacing, along with the interspersed scenes of the monster trashing sets, manage to keep it from getting dull

Tonight's Stinker: Terror in the Midnight Sun(1959)

Tonight's Stinker Terror in the Midnight Sun(1959) https://youtu.be/aUn6FdRypjM?si=kiecD7JlnhfY0NcP A meteor crashes somewhere in Sweden, locals see it, then roll opening credits to a corny d00-wap song while some guy skis across the frozen landscape to a telegraph office.... Next, we're introduced to a scientist, the hansom young geologist who'll being joining him & later on, to the mischievous young niece of the scientist, who spends the first half hour teasing the young geologist..... Then there's some hubbub about something killing the local reindeer & finding some giant footprints in the snow... The next day, everyone goes to the crash site & discover the meteor is a spaceship.... The relationship of the aliens inside to the bigfoot creature terrorizing the countryside, their intentions is never fully explained.... Pretty formulaic, with some of the reveals being laughable, & even at a short hour & twelve minutes, is gratingly slow....

Tonight's Stinker: A Noose Is Waiting for You Trinity(1972)

Tonight's Stinker A Noose Is Waiting for You Trinity(1972) https://youtu.be/VLVTonRRwaQ?si=g2rOyEOJToDsMjq4 A gunfighter rides into town, Remembers how his newlywed brother was murdered, finds the killer, & shoots him... Six years later, he rides back into town, finds out about the hardships his wife & kids went through after he left, then kills the killer's three friends.... He rides back to his old home in hopes of winning back his wife & kids, & promises not to use a gun again... Unfortunately, he has to deal with a group of thugs working for a local landgrabber, while Klaus Kinski shows up as a bounty hunter who spends most of his time standing around & watching.... Supposed to be a sequel to an identical film, but really not that original to begin with, just tries to stay sappy most of the time.....

Tonight's Stinker: Hells Angels on Wheels(1967)

Tonight's Stinker Hells Angels on Wheels(1967) https://youtu.be/K_TspgXRbMg?si=be_rocIUpMKVFYfF Hell's Angels cruise around San Francisco, cause some trouble, the pull up to a gas station, where Jack Nicholson works as an attendant.... He gets fired after mouthing off at an impatient customer who doesn't like being one pump over from bikers.... He later shows up at their hangout, where he get in it with one of the Angels when they break his headlamp.... The leader (Adam Roark) breaks it up & offers him a new headlamp if he follows them, to a rumble.... Afterwards, he falls for one of the girls, but she's not into monogamy.... Following a gratingly long party scene, the Angels decide to make Jack a perspective member.... Lots of riding & rumbles, with very little time put into story development.... Failed to sit through this one as a kid, & quickly remembered why.....

Tonight's Stinker: Frankenstein's Daughter(1958)

Tonight's Stinker Frankenstein's Daughter(1958) https://youtu.be/46ecG-LnXLQ?si=VZT2d827O2fdTFD1 A young couple are making out under a tree, then the girl pushes the boy away..... Angry, he gets in his car & drives off, and the girl sees a a woman in a nightie with ugly teeth, bug eyes & huge eyebrows running at her.... Roll opening credits..... The next morning, a young woman wakes up, as her uncle checks in on her.... She complains about a nightmare, then goes to play tennis with some friends.... Meanwhile, the uncle goes to work in his lab on some sort of youth potion or something with his grumpy & dismissive assistant, who's afraid of the police for some reason... Turns out, the assistant has been conducting experiments on the niece behind his bosses back, and the assistant's backstory & intentions only get more convoluted from there..... Pretty goofy most of the time.... At some point the assistant is supposed to be menacing, but looks like he's thumbing through a dirty magazine..... The teenage yuppies are jealous & obnoxious, there's a few musical numbers at a party about an hour in, and the plot seems to wonder all over the place.... Very riffable....

Tonight's Stinker: Hillbillys in a Haunted House(1967)

Tonight's Stinker Hillbillys in a Haunted House(1967) https://youtu.be/5wQwV_6Tpc8?si=rOS6H9vGjoCtMeJq Shortened for RiffTrax.... Ferlin Husky & the busty Joi Lansing play a pair of country singers traveling with their fidgety manager.... They drive right into the middle of a police shootout, & decide they should stop at the next town so the manager can get some rest.... Unfortunately, the next town is abandoned but for a lone gas station owner, who recommends they crash at a nearby abandoned mansion..... They go to the mansion, where John Carradine, Lon Chaney Jr., Basil Rathbone, Linda Ho, & some guy in a gorilla suit play foreign spies who have rigged the place up with everything you'd expect from a haunted house ride... Clipped to just an hour, the riffing over the dialog gets a bit excessive, but doesn't get in the way of story development...... Several musical numbers... watchable.,...

Tonight's Stinker: Missile to the Moon(1958)

Tonight's Stinker Missile to the Moon(1958) https://youtu.be/FDxo09r3wVc?si=-MjyEjFLnxn1xJHJ Some local cops are looking for a pair of escaped convicts.... Meanwhile, an eccentric millionaire scientist argues with a military leader over whether or not his new rocket & all it's innovative new features will work... There's also the tiny matter of the government taking it over & shoving him aside.... The sheriff shows up at the lab & wants to take a look around the property.... While showing the sheriff around, the scientist sees the two convicts hiding in the rocket, but instead of turning them in, he locks them inside & later blackmails them into helping him fly the rocket.... The scientists partner & his fiancé decide to look for him, & get trapped on the rocket when it takes off.... From there, it turns into an unapologetic remake of Cat-Women of the Moon(1953), with a few deviations.... Maintains a decent pace.... While names, costumes, sets, props & even some footage are recycled, many of the characters are more fleshed out, with the two ex-cons adding an interesting dynamic.....

Tonight's Stinker: The Devil's Mistress(1965)

Tonight's Stinker The Devil's Mistress(1965) https://youtu.be/sgh_mzxpIIM?si=r90DsBFolgekM5zS Four cowboys is riding through the desert, as a narrator delivers a modified quote from Deuteronomy 32:24..... They stop for the night, & a pair of cowboys determined to stay perpetually drunk make jabs at a naïve young cowboy & how they'd treat an Apache woman, while the leader tries to keep a level head.... Talk turns to some ill gotten loot.... The next day, the spot a cabin.... The leader is uneasy about a lonely cabin in the middle of Apache country, but the other three expect a free meal & maybe an easy night's sleep..... At the cabin, they find a creepy guy dressed in black with a glued on Amish beard, and his mute wife..... They get free food, but the leader doesn't go in, as nothing seems right about the situation.... The leader & the young'un decide to ride on, but the two drunks decide to kill the creepy dude & abduct his wife.... At camp that night, one of the drunks kisses the girl & immediately get sick.... The next day, he dies along the trail, & things start going wrong for the other three.... Tries to go for atmosphere by doing a lot of panning through the scenery.... Sound track's okay.... I thought it was okay......

Tonight's Stinker: His Name Was King(1971)

Tonight's Stinker His Name Was King(1971) https://youtu.be/e-W0QTHs_-c?si=mY7VBokVmVf-o6SZ A group of wagons is rolling through the desert, when they come to an army checkpoint.... When one of the soldiers tries to investigate, he gets a pistol in the face, while another man offers him money... Smooth sailing, but the next checkpoint is a little more hard nosed with more men, but one of the wagons has a Gatlin gun.... Then roll opening credits, Where we're introduced to the protagonist, King.... King is a bounty hunter, who corners & dispatches four fugitives..... The brothers of one of the men swear vengeance, & start by killing King's brother & attacking his new wife.... So King swears revenge.... He rides off to the next town, where he gets in a gunfight with the brothers & their gang, then rides off to the next town, where an army officer gives him a heliograph, which he uses to report a stagecoach robbery to passing army patrols.... King gets captured while investigating, & learns the brothers are selling guns to Mexican bandits... Meanwhile, back at the local army headquarters, King is being framed for stealing the guns & leading the patrol into an ambush..... Drags most of the time, but the gunfights are okay.....

Tonight's Stinker: Atom Age Vampire(1960)

Tonight's Stinker Atom Age Vampire(1960) https://youtu.be/C3FiQduQwYc?si=m1TMv96LD-K_BCvV A stripper goes backstage to meet her boyfriend, But he announces he's breaking up because he's outgrown her career choice..... She gets in her car, gets blinded by an oncoming motorist & wrecks.... In the hospital, she finds out she's scarred for life.... Then an evil mad scientist sends his lovely assistant to recruit the girl for unorthodox beauty treatments.... The treatments work, but things get complicated, as the assistant loves the scientist, but the scientist falls for the stripper..... The treatments start to wear off, so the scientist starts killing women to make more elixir.... the first half hour is okay, but starts to slow down after that.... The characters are written like they're out of some soap opera.... When the scientist starts killing, it runs more like a crime noir with a guy who turn into a mutant in lieu of putting on a mask.....

Tonight's Stinker: Robotrix (1991)

Tonight's Stinker Robotrix (1991) https://youtu.be/5ScNL0rondU?si=2_GmYL-Mx1MqTVQs A middle eastern prince goes frolicking in the pool with a group of nude women while a team of Asian policemen assigned to guard him watch..... The one policewoman on the team is put off & decides to step out.... A kidnapper gasses everyone in the pool, then shoots the policewoman on the way out...... Later, at a convention organized by the father of the prince, American & German android developers vie for a contract for a middle eastern android army.... Two androids get to fighting, things get out of hand, & a Japanese android comes in to save the day..... Then an evil mad scientist sends a video tape saying he's kidnapped the sheik's son, then transfers his mind into an android..... This plot point is quickly forgotten until about an hour later..... The dead policewoman's mind is put into an android..... Meanwhile, the police start looking for a man killing hookers..... This one kept turning up in b-movie recommendations, had me thinking it was just going to be silly martial arts, but for the most part, was porn with jokes about misogyny & voyeurism set to a grating synth score, with no real plot....

Tonight's Stinker: Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

Tonight's Stinker Cannibal! The Musical (1993) https://youtu.be/8g2ImE4moVw?si=MQW7ITPa9BhM0JMm Trey Parker & Matt Stone's retelling of The Legend Of Al Packer, it opens with a gory scene of Packer portrayed as a zombie with superhuman strength, dismembering his companions, then cuts to a courtroom where the prosecutor is telling an exaggerated version of events, then role opening credits.,... Next, we see reporter Poly Pry try to sweet talk him into telling his version of events, then succeeds by asking about his horse (an inside joke).... We go back to the beginning, where Packer's over-enthusiastic friend talks him into leading a group into Colorado... Of course, Packer barely knows what he's doing, but when his horse wanders off, he decides to follow the horse instead of leading the group to the next town.... Along the way, he meets some sadistic trappers, and a tribe of Indians played by Japanese exchange students.... Maintains a pretty good pace, with off color jokes leading into off color musical numbers (albeit, I didn't get any giggles until about an hour in)..... The opening had me expecting more gore, but it doesn't overdo it or linger on these scenes, rather, poking fun a slasher movie clichés.... Thumb up.

Tonight's Stinker: SuperHigh(2017)

Tonight's Stinker SuperHigh(2017) https://youtu.be/NDMR86gc_Sw?si=nfM4i60NwdW9VBnr A college age Latino wakes up with a huge hole in his wall & a pair of friends who want to know what happened.... He thinks back to the previous day, when his girlfriend dumps him, & then a mysterious homeless man, who somehow knows a lot about him just gives him a bag of weed..... He gets high, & then a friend takes him to a rave, which gets busted by the cops.... In the confusion, he shoves a cop, who goes flying across the room & t-bones a squadcar.... Then he runs away, busting through walls as he goes.... They conclude it must be the weed, and develop superpowers.... They decide to become superheroes, but assaulting a cop isn't the best way to get started..... This is a ten part webseries edited into a seventy-five minute feature, so the tone isn't entirely consistent... The one liners & punchlines had me cracking up for the first thirty minutes or so, then at about forty minutes, it takes a dark turn from which it has a hard time coming back from.....

Tonight's Stinker: The Devil's Sleep(1949)

Tonight's Stinker The Devil's Sleep(1949) https://youtu.be/848xrrlpbzg?si=NHDCjnfY1bid1hxh Opens with flashing headlines about teenage crime, kids popping pills, with an announcer blabbing something, then roll opening credits, then a teenager running down a dark alley & the cops catch him..... So, the female judge of juvenile court is discussing what's gotten into kids these days with a police chief & his head of narcotics cop.... The narc's girlfriend's kid brother is from the same neighborhood, & figures he could enlist the boy's help.... Thing is, the boy is one of the bad guy's customers, along with his girlfriend, who happens to be the judge's daughter..... The drug dealers run their operation out of a lady's spa & gym, where he sells uppers to the clients, & has a young recruiter sells stolen pharmaceuticals to teens & persuades them to rob medical warehouses..... The narc gets to work, while the teens go to pool parties at the recruiter's house..... Watchable, with the gym being a setting for fat jokes & Hays Code exploitation, under the guise of being anti-drug propaganda......

Tonight's Stinker: The Fat Spy(1966)

Tonight's Stinker The Fat Spy(1966) https://youtu.be/dZnItPLhU2M?si=1f36rzaCqN0rMJAg It opens with two guys on a dock singing for three excruciating minutes about how money's bad for you, then a minute for opening credits, then another overlong musical number as a group of teens arrive at some resort in Florida, pile into a boat & head for a tiny island.... So anyway, the CEO of a cosmetics company finds out the kids are there, and sends his daughter (Jayne Mansfield) to help a middle age botanist take care of the problem.... Meanwhile, the botanist's evil twin brother calls the owner of a rival company (Phyllis Diller) & reports what's up..... The comedy bits are brief & far apart, as the runtime is padded with more musical numbers than I could keep track of...... Most of the thread bare story is predictable & clichéd, characters do things that make little sense, but it's mostly safe & family friendly....

Tonight's Stinker: The Female Bunch(1971)

Tonight's Stinker The Female Bunch(1971) https://youtu.be/9SWkw62qtmE?si=-RSkl_wglhebJtji So, a bunch of women on horseback & a pair of women in a plane are chasing a young couple driving through the desert.... The plane makes a couple passes, & a girl with a rifle wounds the man & hits one of the car's tires, so they run for it... They hide in a cave, where the man asks the woman how she wound up with this group... We flash back to a few weeks earlier, where the girl explains how her fiancé gambled away all their money & ditched her in Las Vegas..... She becomes a cocktail waitress, & has a brief fling with a lounge singer, who dumps her for another woman.... The girl's pretty needy, so she tries to kill herself, but a stripper friend saves her, & decides to introduce her to a girl gang on a secret ranch in the desert, where Lon Cheney Jr is a dirty old man who looks after the horses..... The women ride to Mexico, where one handles a drug deal while the others party.... They need to make the trip a couple times, & hafta deal with a Mexican farmer who built a farm on the trail they use, & one of the girls makes the mistake of giving a map to the ranch to this guy she likes, & so on & so forth..... Somehow, I thought this was going to be a spaghetti western, but it's really just a biker movie without motorbikes.... Gotta say, the narration really helps to understand all that's going on.... Pure grindhouse, from a bad print....

Tonight's Stinker: Devil Girl from Mars(1954)

Tonight's Stinker Devil Girl from Mars(1954) https://youtu.be/hvp6Hfkmbes?si=r0jy7pXmShK1t9U8 An airplane explodes, and we never find out why, then roll opening credits.... So, a young woman working a bar is listening to news radio, where the story is about a meteor, a scientist who's gone to look for it, and a killer who just escaped prison.... She's working at a Scottish inn, with the owner, his wife, their preteen nephew, and a model for a guest.... The escaped killer, who has a history with the barmaid, winds up at the inn and she covers for him.... Meanwhile, the scientist & a reporter have gotten lost due to an outdated map & poorly marked country roads.... So they end up at the inn.... There's some character development (perhaps a bit too much), & then there's a ruckus outside.... While everyone's distracted, the killer makes a break for it, but later comes back for the barmaid..... The phone won't work, & the car stalls.... A woman in a black leather dress & a long cape comes out of the saucer & kills a mute with a limp who was put in this movie for this one scene, then she goes to the inn & tells everyone she's here to take over the Earth because there are no men left on Mars, so the rest of the cast spends the rest of the movie discussing ways to kill her..... Not much on action or special effects, very talkie, lots of attempts at creating drama.... Takes some patience....

Tonight's Stinker: The Cycle Savages(1969)

Tonight's Stinker The Cycle Savages(1969) https://youtu.be/dRX4E7iYFMU?si=xMm6y-3kosEPys8y A group of bikers rides up to a to a drive by burger stand & order donuts & beer & make mayhem, while a clean cut guy sit & draws pictures of them.... Later at a bar, Bruce Dern, the gangs short fused leader, confronts the artist about what he's drawing..... The artist walks out, but the bartender tells Dern he has pictures of the whole gang... So the bikers meet the artist at his apartment, beat him up, take his sketches, then get the prostitute upstairs to look after him while they search his apartment.... They find the sketches, & steal a Marine sword while they're at it..... When the artist finds out, he goes to get it back, & makes quick work of the two bikers there.... The rest of the bikers are out getting a stolen bike back, then go looking for girls.... They find one, & for the next thirty minutes, the film cuts back & fourth between the artist in bed with the prostitute while the bikers get rough with the girl they found.... But Dern's constantly angry character is still fuming about the artist & how to wreck his hands.... There's also supposed to be a subplot about the bikers working for human traffickers the never gets fleshed out, & this sex ed book the artist is illustrating, & numerous other things that keep getting mentioned, but not explained.... None of this is as exciting as I described, as it mostly borrows from every biker film before it, while avoiding anything resembling a plot.....

Tonight's Stinker: The Killings at Outpost Zeta (1980)

Tonight's Stinker The Killings at Outpost Zeta (1980) https://youtu.be/cA9M5sjFnt4?si=ToKs5JbYchwFhcMp In the future, an uptight group of control room operators in red pajamas are trying to contact a rescue team on a distant planet..... This is the third rescue mission to fail after contact was lost with a research station on the planet..... So anyway, the planet is a critical launching point to exploring the rest of the universe, so naturally, a fourth suicide mission is assembled..... So, six astronauts in red pajamas are briefed, fly off & go over procedural mumbo jumbo.... They find a distress beacon with a warning not to come to the planet, but they go anyway... Once on the planet, they find the bodies of the research crew & rescue missions in various stages of decay, with mysterious rock in them.... Then, in a pretty stupid "DON'T GO IN THERE" scene, one of the crew is killed, & well, y'know..... Alarms start to go off, the crew starts to get unconvincing cabin fever.... Looks to be a halfway decent VHS rip.... The audio is pretty bad, & it doesn't help that a couple of the actors tend to mumble.... The space suits are basically motorcycle helmets with hoses, & the ray guns look like dime store novelties, but the rest of the sets & props look passable..... Some scenes go to black like they're supposed to be going to a commercial break.....

Tonight's Stinker: The Wasp Woman(1959)

Tonight's Stinker The Wasp Woman(1959) https://youtu.be/JpPAN6frZmU?si=hRrhjHruLR5yPXcA A scientist studying royal jelly is collecting wasps on an orange grove.... But, he's supposed to be growing bees, so he gets the ax... Cut to a board meeting, where the female CEO of a cosmetics company is inquiring why sales are plummeting... One man pipes up, & admits the CEO ( the "face" of the brand) is getting old..... Afterwards, she has a meeting with the scientist... She's skeptical at first, but when he demonstrates his serum on a couple of lab rats, she gives him carte blanche... This worries a couple of execs, so they ask her secretary to spy on her.... After a while, the scientist shows the CEO a cat that's turned into a kitten, & says his serum is ready for human testing..... He tests it on the CEO, & after three weeks, she looks five years younger..... But this isn't fast enough for her, so after hours, she sneaks into his lab, takes a stronger dose, & becomes twenty years younger.... But the cat regresses & goes rabid, & the scientist tries to commit suicide.... Even pace, builds mostly on suspense, short runtime.... Not great, but not terrible....