Tonight's Stinker: Princess of the Nile(1954)

Tonight's Stinker Princess of the Nile(1954) https://youtu.be/xO_m-FNfe9o?si=pyuGRgcisnflHYiE In the year 1249, the city of Hanwan, Egypt is overrun with Bedouins as a Persian prince stops for a visit... Debra Paget is leading a double life as an Egyptian princess & a dancer at a bar, while a shaman keeps her father doped just enough to cooperate with the Bedouin chief.... While escorting the prince through the streets, a riot breaks out, the Bedouin chief takes the opportunity to kill the prince's friend in hopes of getting permission to kill more Egyptians, but the princess sees him.... The prince finds out, but is alone against the Bedouins, so he gains the help of all the town's thieves.... Just over an hour long, fairly amusing.... Confusing at first, as you have modern American actors trying to speak in medieval vernacular.... Lots of goofy sword fights, & a few good excuses to show Debra Paget dancing in skimpy outfits....

Tonight's Stinker: Lightning Bolt (1966)

Tonight's Stinker Lightning Bolt (1966) https://youtu.be/VDV2wOzf0IU?si=ETX3x4Ccl6BA1ftP (OR HERE) https://youtu.be/Q2ajoQQA6-I?si=fnelKZY7IQSjhu_k We open with stock footage of a rocket that wants to go everywhere but up, then blows up.... The protagonist starts narrating that was frequent enough to say sabotage, & that a scientist speculating on some radioactive lasers in the area.... The scientist sets out to investigate on his own, & a woman at a nearby cabana watches & reports to a guy who does a really bad Boris Badenov impression.... With the help of a diver, the scientist finds something, but their dinghy blows up.... Next, we're in Washington where a trio of VIPs are discussing the situation, before introducing the female head of some fictitious agency....She sends an agent disguised as a millionaire playboy, who's not introduced until a few minutes later.... Italian 007 knockoff, kinda drags through the first hour, even in the action scenes, but sorta pays off in the last half hour.....

Tonight's Stinker: Crime Zone(1988)

Tonight's Stinker Crime Zone(1988) https://youtu.be/JHZnd5m5bqU?si=F3eesm0c00g5EiJs In a dystopic future, the police have set up a sting for a crook trying to hijack a truckload of weapons.... There's a shoot out & they catch him.... Next, a security guard with an attitude problem loses his job at a cryogenics warehouse.... He goes to a bar where he meets his old street gang, and the old leader tells him he never had a chance..... While at the bar, he falls for a state owned hooker.... She falls for him, & he convinces her to quit her job... Out of work in a tiered society, they turn to shoplifting & pickpocketing, which catches the attention of some guy who makes some big promises in exchange for a high end job... But he's not on the level, & their situation spirals out of control.... The action scenes are pretty cool, but the rest of the movie is pretty depressing.... More of a crime drama than sci-fi.... Most of the characters are pretty crass... From a decent VHS rip, the audio is not that good.....

Tonight's Stinker: The Glove(1979)

Tonight's Stinker The Glove(1979) https://youtu.be/5WZZtS2Ae5I?si=A0KAIQ0hHMnuKvyV OR HERE https://youtu.be/ORIKDF7d_tc?si=lUGyNltD1EcGTg7y Roosevelt Grier is an escaped con, who dons a riot suit & a five pound gauntlet, which he uses to hunt down a prison guard & bash him to death (along with his car).... We cut to John Saxon as a down on his luck bounty hunter spending the weekend with his daughter.... He later drops her off at school, as he narrates how he's behind on his alimony, & always on the verge of losing custody.... Of course, it's not coming up with the money that's the problem, but he's got a gamble bug... Grier finds out that Saxon is looking for him after passing out flyers & taunts him over the phone... Meanwhile, Saxon gets in a couple fights, shakes down an old lady, & gets burned in a poker game set up by his sleazy bookie, who runs a sleazy real estate agency....... Mostly about how the bounty hunter's life really sucks, padding what feels like a sub plot about a killer...

Tonight's Stinker: The Golem(1920)

Tonight's Stinker The Golem(1920) https://youtu.be/5cQXzHRQMf4?si=AoyYaTF6CfbevDNR A Rabbi is doing some astrology, & the stars tell him there's going to be a calamity.... Meanwhile, the emperor is kicking the Jews out of the ghetto for greed, snubbing Christian festivals & black magic, & sends a haughty squire to deliver the message.... The Rabbi asks the squire to make an appeal for him... The squire & the rabbi's daughter fall for each other.... The rabbi secretly sculpts a giant out of clay, then uses black magic to bring it to life.... He uses it for chores at first, while the villagers are freaked out at it.... The squire comes back with good news of an appeal, but the rabbi catches him groping his daughter, & sees her not resisting... The rabbi goes to a festival at the emperor's place to show off his golem & do some other tricks.... When the castle starts to collapse, the golem saves everyone, & the Jews are pardoned.... Not needing it anymore, the rabbi turns off the golem & tries to destroy it, but things go sideways when the rabbi's assistant finds out the daughter is having an affair with a stranger..... I had to pause this a lot because the subtitles happened to flash by pretty fast.... Pretty interesting take on the dangers of building an unnatural servant that turns on it's creator (considering)... Wouldn't surprise me if the platform shoes inspired Frankenstein....

Tonight's Stinker: 2019: After the Fall of New York(1983)

Tonight's Stinker 2019: After the Fall of New York(1983) https://youtu.be/X4-vUA3wbow?si=SrXHfOcxF7Oo3LxM It opens with some annoying midi/synth music that we're supposed to believe some guy on the street is playing with a trumpet..... A narrator explains how people have gone sterile following World War 3, & the predominant government experiments on the survivors.... Some soldiers dressed in black on horseback meet up with some gangsters in a New York street, & set about raiding a building to kill a bunch of people with nasty complexions... Then we cut to a desert, where a couple of cars are in a game of trying to kill each other while punk rockers cheer them on... The winner is our protagonist, & the prize is a male transvestite.... The hero sets him/her free, then gets abducted by a pair of guys in white uniforms... He's taken to Alaska, where a group of rebels have set up shop.... He's told there's one fertile woman left on Earth, & they want him to go get her with the help of a strongman & a guy who's mind is a map of Brooklyn (even though his name is Bronx, which is on the other side of the river).... They get into New York, but need to run through rat infested sewers to avoid gangs & soldiers, but ultimately get caught.... They escape, & end up getting help from a midget & an ape man...... The midi/synth scores in these Italian Maxploitation always gives me a headache.... Still, the the movie is pretty fast paced & enjoyable....

Tonight's Stinker: The Wild Women of Wongo(1959)

Tonight's Stinker The Wild Women of Wongo(1959) https://youtu.be/aCIJq6GbfTE?si=naVr4s1EJ-tMzBlR It opens with a voiceover of how mother nature tried to mix the ugly men & beautiful women in one tribe, & vice versa with another tribe, but it didn't work.... The king of Wongo, who's terrified of birds & snakes (and aeroplanes, and Lenny Bruce is not afraid), goes to the temple of the dragon to ask the high priestess to receive the women for marriage ceremonies, & then goes home.... Back at the village of Wongo, he sleeps all day while the women do chores & the men go fishing.... The prince of Goona shows up asking for help fighting against ape men, but the men of Wongo are more concerned with how the tribe's women have gone gaga over this handsome stranger, & try to kill him.... The women intervene, he gets away, & the women hafta go to the temple to prepare for marriage, & make a blood sacrifice for blaspheming their god..... Meanwhile, a terribly annoying parrot watches it all for no reason.... Slow & grating for the most part, the audio is pretty grating.... I have a headache... This movie can't seem to decide if it wants to take it's self seriously, or go full on comedy.....

Tonight's Stinker: The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock(1959)

Tonight's Stinker The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock(1959) https://youtu.be/6ciAPmIEbY4?si=n-4Cpdo5pDCO3rsy Lou Costello is a scientist who's just built a tiny supercomputer..... Unfortunately, he has to pay for it by driving a garbage truck, which also not fully paid for.... Meanwhile, the local bank owner, who owns half the town & holds a lien on the other half, is running for governor... He's trying to suck up to a TV talk show host by putting up a front as the nicest guy in town, which he has a hard time holding up...... Another problem the banker has, is warning the men of the town not to go near his niece, who's already secretly dating Costello... Costello & the girl sneak out to a mesa so he can try out his computer on natural radiation (or something), but after an argument, she storms off into a radiation cloud & comes back thirty feet tall.... When Costello tries to tell the banker, he misunderstands, believing his niece is pregnant, and orders the pair be secretly married... Mayhem continues to ensue as Costello tries to keep his new bride happy while the banker tries to protect his campaign.... Bud Abbott is not in this movie, & I think it works out better for it, as I've never found the pair all that funny.... This film got quite a few chuckles outa me.... Thumb up!

Tonight's Stinker: I Love Maria(1988)

Tonight's Stinker I Love Maria(1988) https://youtu.be/y9-sjq4H0jw?si=TK1UelwMhbeaw2Wd A klutzy reporter show up to an active crime scene, where police fail to stop a giant robot from robbing a bank.... The next day, the reporter loses his camera at a press gaggle at the police station, but is helped out by a klutzy scientist.... The scientist later proves his bosses new machine gun won't work, & tries to talk the leader of the science team into his design for a ray gun.... His boss brushes him off, more concerned about his job than stopping the robot.... Later, the scientist helps out a drunk at a bar, who's a former member of the robot gang.... Meanwhile, the leader of the gang has built a robot in the likeness of his girlfriend, Maria, who's not too happy about her doppelganger.... They send the robot to kill the drunk, who's rescued by the scientist, and the robot malfunctions after getting wet.... The drunk & the scientist find themselves on the run from bot the police and the mob.... The English dubbing cuts out & goes to Chinese many times throughout this print, so It's kinda hard to know what they're talking about..... Other than that, there's plenty of decent slapstick, and the robots, the stuff they smash & the practical effects are fairly impressive....

Tonight's Stinker: Spectre(1977)

Tonight's Stinker Spectre(1977) https://youtu.be/QU_yg13NxiM?si=LSMh32eLu2bOL3hf Robert Culp & Gig Young as demon hunters... So, Young shows up to an old friend's house... A woman conducting black magic is ignoring the doorbell until she's finished, then takes him to see Culp.... Culp is a former criminologist turned cultist who needs help with a case in London.... Young is the skeptic.... Then the young woman who hired them shows up.... She tries coming onto Culp, but he manages to exercise a demon disguised as the client.... They fly to London & then start discussing demons as the plane malfunctions.... They get to London & stop to see an old friend, only to find him dead with his house on fire... The get to the mansion of their client, who's older brother has staffed it entirely with attractive young women & the décor is all about hedonism & blasphemy.... The client herself is a prude.... Things get weirder..... This is one of those movies I saw as a kid, & then spent years trying to remember what it was.... Intended as a TV pilot, it maintains a fast pace in the first hour, & then starts with the investigating & reveals later....

Tonight's Stinker: Island of Lost Women(1959)

Tonight's Stinker Island of Lost Women(1959) https://youtu.be/3Co0FNXARLU?si=wYhoPPWzOiT7sGqB A reporter & his pilot realize their lost, one of the engines on their plane konks out, & the radio dies, when they see a small island in the middle of the ocean..,.. A loud voice tells them not to land, but they have no other options... As soon as they land, a scientist comes out to greet them & asks them to leave, but his three teenage daughters come out of the jungle, having never seen a man before.... It turns out, the scientist helped build the atomic bomb, and is convinced the world is on a path to self destruction.... But the reporter has the story of a lifetime, which presents a dangerous problem.... Meanwhile, three smitten teenage girls presents it's own problem.... Short, not too much wasted time, & the scientist has an answer for pretty much every question the viewer may have, with plenty of fluffy drama between the women & the men....

Tonight's Stinker: Zarkorr! The Invader(1996)

Tonight's Stinker Zarkorr! The Invader(1996) https://youtu.be/54ivQh9fHzo?si=4Fh5PoJi4762t9Mp Somewhere in California, a fairly adequate looking kaiju busts out of a mountain & starts destroying some decent looking miniatures.... Meanwhile, in New Jersey, an off duty postal worker is visited by a six inch tall alien disguised as a "teenage mall tramp".... She tells him he's been selected by a superior race to save the Earth from Zarkorr, because he's the most ordinary man on Earth... He decides to enlist the help of a pretty young cryptozoologist who's being interviewed by an unenthusiastic anchor at a local television station, but a series of misunderstandings, and rather dated jokes about postal workers (you had to be there) lead to a standoff with police.... From a pretty blurry VHS rip..... The segments tend to linger for long periods of time, but the jokes and frantic pacing, along with the interspersed scenes of the monster trashing sets, manage to keep it from getting dull

Tonight's Stinker: Terror in the Midnight Sun(1959)

Tonight's Stinker Terror in the Midnight Sun(1959) https://youtu.be/aUn6FdRypjM?si=kiecD7JlnhfY0NcP A meteor crashes somewhere in Sweden, locals see it, then roll opening credits to a corny d00-wap song while some guy skis across the frozen landscape to a telegraph office.... Next, we're introduced to a scientist, the hansom young geologist who'll being joining him & later on, to the mischievous young niece of the scientist, who spends the first half hour teasing the young geologist..... Then there's some hubbub about something killing the local reindeer & finding some giant footprints in the snow... The next day, everyone goes to the crash site & discover the meteor is a spaceship.... The relationship of the aliens inside to the bigfoot creature terrorizing the countryside, their intentions is never fully explained.... Pretty formulaic, with some of the reveals being laughable, & even at a short hour & twelve minutes, is gratingly slow....

Tonight's Stinker: A Noose Is Waiting for You Trinity(1972)

Tonight's Stinker A Noose Is Waiting for You Trinity(1972) https://youtu.be/VLVTonRRwaQ?si=g2rOyEOJToDsMjq4 A gunfighter rides into town, Remembers how his newlywed brother was murdered, finds the killer, & shoots him... Six years later, he rides back into town, finds out about the hardships his wife & kids went through after he left, then kills the killer's three friends.... He rides back to his old home in hopes of winning back his wife & kids, & promises not to use a gun again... Unfortunately, he has to deal with a group of thugs working for a local landgrabber, while Klaus Kinski shows up as a bounty hunter who spends most of his time standing around & watching.... Supposed to be a sequel to an identical film, but really not that original to begin with, just tries to stay sappy most of the time.....

Tonight's Stinker: Hells Angels on Wheels(1967)

Tonight's Stinker Hells Angels on Wheels(1967) https://youtu.be/K_TspgXRbMg?si=be_rocIUpMKVFYfF Hell's Angels cruise around San Francisco, cause some trouble, the pull up to a gas station, where Jack Nicholson works as an attendant.... He gets fired after mouthing off at an impatient customer who doesn't like being one pump over from bikers.... He later shows up at their hangout, where he get in it with one of the Angels when they break his headlamp.... The leader (Adam Roark) breaks it up & offers him a new headlamp if he follows them, to a rumble.... Afterwards, he falls for one of the girls, but she's not into monogamy.... Following a gratingly long party scene, the Angels decide to make Jack a perspective member.... Lots of riding & rumbles, with very little time put into story development.... Failed to sit through this one as a kid, & quickly remembered why.....

Tonight's Stinker: Frankenstein's Daughter(1958)

Tonight's Stinker Frankenstein's Daughter(1958) https://youtu.be/46ecG-LnXLQ?si=VZT2d827O2fdTFD1 A young couple are making out under a tree, then the girl pushes the boy away..... Angry, he gets in his car & drives off, and the girl sees a a woman in a nightie with ugly teeth, bug eyes & huge eyebrows running at her.... Roll opening credits..... The next morning, a young woman wakes up, as her uncle checks in on her.... She complains about a nightmare, then goes to play tennis with some friends.... Meanwhile, the uncle goes to work in his lab on some sort of youth potion or something with his grumpy & dismissive assistant, who's afraid of the police for some reason... Turns out, the assistant has been conducting experiments on the niece behind his bosses back, and the assistant's backstory & intentions only get more convoluted from there..... Pretty goofy most of the time.... At some point the assistant is supposed to be menacing, but looks like he's thumbing through a dirty magazine..... The teenage yuppies are jealous & obnoxious, there's a few musical numbers at a party about an hour in, and the plot seems to wonder all over the place.... Very riffable....

Tonight's Stinker: Hillbillys in a Haunted House(1967)

Tonight's Stinker Hillbillys in a Haunted House(1967) https://youtu.be/5wQwV_6Tpc8?si=rOS6H9vGjoCtMeJq Shortened for RiffTrax.... Ferlin Husky & the busty Joi Lansing play a pair of country singers traveling with their fidgety manager.... They drive right into the middle of a police shootout, & decide they should stop at the next town so the manager can get some rest.... Unfortunately, the next town is abandoned but for a lone gas station owner, who recommends they crash at a nearby abandoned mansion..... They go to the mansion, where John Carradine, Lon Chaney Jr., Basil Rathbone, Linda Ho, & some guy in a gorilla suit play foreign spies who have rigged the place up with everything you'd expect from a haunted house ride... Clipped to just an hour, the riffing over the dialog gets a bit excessive, but doesn't get in the way of story development...... Several musical numbers... watchable.,...

Tonight's Stinker: Missile to the Moon(1958)

Tonight's Stinker Missile to the Moon(1958) https://youtu.be/FDxo09r3wVc?si=-MjyEjFLnxn1xJHJ Some local cops are looking for a pair of escaped convicts.... Meanwhile, an eccentric millionaire scientist argues with a military leader over whether or not his new rocket & all it's innovative new features will work... There's also the tiny matter of the government taking it over & shoving him aside.... The sheriff shows up at the lab & wants to take a look around the property.... While showing the sheriff around, the scientist sees the two convicts hiding in the rocket, but instead of turning them in, he locks them inside & later blackmails them into helping him fly the rocket.... The scientists partner & his fiancé decide to look for him, & get trapped on the rocket when it takes off.... From there, it turns into an unapologetic remake of Cat-Women of the Moon(1953), with a few deviations.... Maintains a decent pace.... While names, costumes, sets, props & even some footage are recycled, many of the characters are more fleshed out, with the two ex-cons adding an interesting dynamic.....

Tonight's Stinker: The Devil's Mistress(1965)

Tonight's Stinker The Devil's Mistress(1965) https://youtu.be/sgh_mzxpIIM?si=r90DsBFolgekM5zS Four cowboys is riding through the desert, as a narrator delivers a modified quote from Deuteronomy 32:24..... They stop for the night, & a pair of cowboys determined to stay perpetually drunk make jabs at a naïve young cowboy & how they'd treat an Apache woman, while the leader tries to keep a level head.... Talk turns to some ill gotten loot.... The next day, the spot a cabin.... The leader is uneasy about a lonely cabin in the middle of Apache country, but the other three expect a free meal & maybe an easy night's sleep..... At the cabin, they find a creepy guy dressed in black with a glued on Amish beard, and his mute wife..... They get free food, but the leader doesn't go in, as nothing seems right about the situation.... The leader & the young'un decide to ride on, but the two drunks decide to kill the creepy dude & abduct his wife.... At camp that night, one of the drunks kisses the girl & immediately get sick.... The next day, he dies along the trail, & things start going wrong for the other three.... Tries to go for atmosphere by doing a lot of panning through the scenery.... Sound track's okay.... I thought it was okay......

Tonight's Stinker: His Name Was King(1971)

Tonight's Stinker His Name Was King(1971) https://youtu.be/e-W0QTHs_-c?si=mY7VBokVmVf-o6SZ A group of wagons is rolling through the desert, when they come to an army checkpoint.... When one of the soldiers tries to investigate, he gets a pistol in the face, while another man offers him money... Smooth sailing, but the next checkpoint is a little more hard nosed with more men, but one of the wagons has a Gatlin gun.... Then roll opening credits, Where we're introduced to the protagonist, King.... King is a bounty hunter, who corners & dispatches four fugitives..... The brothers of one of the men swear vengeance, & start by killing King's brother & attacking his new wife.... So King swears revenge.... He rides off to the next town, where he gets in a gunfight with the brothers & their gang, then rides off to the next town, where an army officer gives him a heliograph, which he uses to report a stagecoach robbery to passing army patrols.... King gets captured while investigating, & learns the brothers are selling guns to Mexican bandits... Meanwhile, back at the local army headquarters, King is being framed for stealing the guns & leading the patrol into an ambush..... Drags most of the time, but the gunfights are okay.....